I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
