best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
