you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
