11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
