I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
