My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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