and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
