you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
