I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
