Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
