She is in my trunk
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize