I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
