ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
