so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
