best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize