So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
