so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
