Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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