He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
