just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize