i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
