16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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