So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
