my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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