soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
