wrigley field is MILF paradise
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
