i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
