just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
