So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
