I wish I could teleport
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
