You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel great
I just peed on a car
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
