Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
