let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
