so that wasnt chicken after all
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
