I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
