I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
