i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
