I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
