Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
