i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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