but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bring me that man meat
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
