screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
