We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
