Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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