Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
