got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
