flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
