I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
