CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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