we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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