Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
