I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please don't give away my fajitas
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
