You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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