considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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