At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
