I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
