At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
