I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
