Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
