my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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