I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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