She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
