I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
